


Cinderbarba

by Professional_Creeper



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crack Crossover, Disney, Fairy Tale Parody, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Male Cinderella, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professional_Creeper/pseuds/Professional_Creeper
Summary: Once upon a time there was an aspiring lawyer named Rafael Barba who lived with his wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters. One day, the handsome Prince Dominick II was hosting a ball...For @sweetcannolicarisi’s Disney Bingo on Tumblr
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Cinderbarba

Once upon a time, there was a short grumpy man named Rafael Barba who lived with his stepmother and stepsisters. Though he was very, very poor, Barba was hardworking and smart, and dreamed of becoming a lawyer.

Every day he studied the law with his mouse friends, and eventually passed the kingdom’s bar exam. But no matter how hard he worked, his wicked stepmother would never let him leave to find his dream job as an A.D.A.

One day, the king announced a grand ball. All the eligible ladies in the land were invited so his son, Prince Dominick II, could find a wife. Barba knew if he could go to the ball and meet the prince, he could convince him to give him a job. But Barba had nothing to wear to make a good impression! He refused to be seen in public wearing dirty, cinder-covered work duds, and his wicked stepmother threw all of his ties and suspenders into the fire.

Barba wept, for he didn’t know what to do. As he was crying, he heard a voice.

“Barba! Get off your ass. I need you to get me a warrant.”

“Is there probable cause?” Barba sniffled.

Liv, his beautiful fairy god-lieutenant, heaved a sigh. “Look, the guy is good for the crime; I just need you to get me the warrant.”

“I would, but I don’t know any judges. I’m basically being kept prisoner by my stepmother, who makes me do all the chores, cook delicious Cuban food, and sleep in the fireplace. If I could just get to the prince’s ball, I could start networking.”

“Do I have to do everything? OK, OK. I’ll get you something to wear, let’s go.”

Liv waved her magic wand. 

* * *

Barba arrived at the ball in the finest blue suit and glass suspenders that perfectly fit his broad, enticing shoulders. The ball was filled with single ladies who were horny for royalty, and the handsome lawyer drew the eyes of everyone there. But Barba was single-minded and brushed off every suitor with a scathingly sarcastic quip as he marched up the grand staircase to the mezzanine where the king sat overseeing the ball.

A long line of women waiting for a chance to meet the prince blocked the way and didn’t seem to be moving. Well, it doesn’t have to be the king, Barba thought. Maybe he could find some lower member of the royal court he could apply for a job with. A royal secretary to take a message, even.

Barba searched up and down the abandoned castle halls. He was in such a rush, he didn’t even notice the man in front of him until he crashed right into him. Barba had never seen such a handsome man in his life, tall and lanky with kind eyes.

“Oh! Sorry—so sorry about that!” the man said, even though Barba had run into _him_. He extended a hand down—far down, as he towered over Barba—and introduced himself. “Sonny. Enjoying the party?”

“I’m not here for the party,” said Barba. “I just want to meet the king, or someone official around here who can get me a job.”

“Yeah, I’m not so hot about this party either. I had to take a break. It’s a bit… over the top, honestly.”

“Seriously. A whole party just to find the prince a date? Talk about _balls._ ”

Sonny cackled, the corners of his eyes crinkling with mirth, though as the laugh slowed, it ended with a nervous grimace. He cleared his throat. “So. Maybe I can help you out with this job.”

“Really?” Barba raised an eyebrow skeptically. This guy had a face like a puppy dog, and in the five seconds since meeting him, laughed too loudly and apologized too much. He couldn’t have been that important.

“Yeah.” Sonny caught Barba’s condescending tone and responded with the harshest look his puppy-dog face could muster, which in truth was not particularly harsh.

“Alright. I’m a lawyer, and I’d like to work for the kingdom’s D.A. office.”

Sonny’s eyes lit up at that. “Come on, I know somewhere quiet we can talk.”

They went out into the castle gardens, where the deep blue sky twinkling with stars was reflected in the clear water of the meandering pond. Sonny was studying for the bar exam himself, in between his other responsibilities, so he chatted excitedly with legal questions and theories. The two got along because Sonny wasn’t discouraged by Barba’s uncontrollable need to snark at everything, and before long, Sonny’s positive attitude wore him down.

Sonny was the kindest person Barba had ever talked to, and he couldn’t believe someone so wealthy who lived in a castle would bother being nice to _him._ It was probably because of what he was wearing, Barba realized. Sonny had no idea he was a lowly servant to his step-family and learned law from mice. But as the evening dragged on, the angry lawyer’s heart began to melt, and he let himself forget it was all an illusion and that at midnight his carriage would turn back into a briefcase.

Music from the ball wafted out from the castle windows, and soon they found themselves dancing. Talk of legal codes and statutes faded as they swayed together under the moon. “So, this is love,” thought Barba, a hot blush burning his cheeks. He could almost forget about the law, his dead parents, the chores waiting for him, and every dark thing in his life and get lost in this ray of sunshine.

Almost.

The clock struck midnight. At the final gong, all of his fairy god-lieutenant’s magic would fade, and he would revert to his peasant rags. There was no way he could let his crush see him so unfashionably dressed!

“I have to go.”

“You can’t go now,” Sonny pleaded.

“I must! Please, give Prince Dominick my resume!”

“But I _am_ —”

Barba pulled away, but Sonny clung to his magical glass suspenders. As he fled down the castle steps, the suspender strap snapped off, leaving a baffled Sonny with a single memento of the handsome lawyer.

* * *

The next day, the prince asked around the entire castle if anyone had heard of the handsome lawyer he met at the ball, but no one had.

Sonny went to the king. “Dad, I need to find a lawyer.”

“What have you done this time?” the king groaned.

“What? No, not like that! I’m looking for one particular lawyer. He was short? Kind of grumpy looking? Green eyes that piece right into the deepest parts of your soul and make you feel like you can do anything? Perfect hair you want to run your fingers through?”

The king groaned. “I had a lawyer like that once.”

And so a royal convoy scoured the land, with nothing to go on except the glass suspender. At every house, they looked for the man whose broad chest and shoulders would fit the suspender, but couldn’t find him anywhere.

At last, the prince came to Barba’s house. He was greeted at the door by his wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters. “No lawyer lives here,” she said, “But I have two beautiful daughters for you to marry. Or, you know... my husband is dead, if you know what I mean?” She winked.

“Uh. No thank you, ma’am,” said Sonny, who turned on his heel to return to his carriage.

Suddenly, a large black cat rounded the corner of the house, carrying a mouse in its jaws. The mouse was squeaking furiously that the cat was committing assault in the second degree under Penal Code Sections 120.00-120.12, which is a class D felony, and threatening to sue for emotional damages.

Sonny marched back to the front door in two long strides. “Who else lives here?” he demanded.

They brought Barba down from the attic. He hid his face in shame.

“It’s you!” said Sonny.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Barba said. “Covered in soot. Wearing a shirt that isn’t even designer.” The mice were very skilled at law but not so great at sewing.

“Hey, I didn’t want you because you dress like a lawyer. I love that big sexy brain of yours.”

Barba rolled his eyes and muttered sarcastically about Sonny being cheesy, but inside his heart was melting. Sonny brushed the soot off Barba’s cheek with his thumb.

He held up the suspender, which was a perfect fit for Barba’s very sexy shoulders.

Barba swallowed nervously. “I heard the prince was looking for me… I guess you put a good word in?”

“For a smart person, you’re pretty dumb sometimes. I’m the prince. Prince Dominick II. Call me Sonny.”

“Oh, _fu—_ ”

“—And I… uh, I didn’t go through all this trouble just to find a lawyer. I mean, uh… I hope I wasn’t reading into things at the ball, but, uh… I like you. You know?”

“I figured that out, yeah,” Barba replied. Sonny’s hand was riding low on Barba’s hip. His cheeks tinged with pink.

“Do you… feel the sa—”

Barba jumped up on his tip-toes and pulled down on Sonny’s neck, and locked him in a passionate kiss.

From then on, Barba only wore the finest and most impressive suits the royal tailors could produce. Sonny always spoiled him that way, and in return, Barba helped him ace the bar. The two ruled justly over their kingdom, side by side, and they lived happily ever after.


End file.
